Updates
So a couple of updates.
First off I have rearranged my Arthroscopy, this is so that when I go to see a surgeon about an amputation I am not in casts so that he can examine my feet properly otherwise I feel it will be a waste of time.
Secondly today I told my family about my choice of an amputation, or rather my wife dropped me in it (although this did make things easier) and in some ways it went better than I had expected but in other ways it went just as I thought it would.
We have had a very long talk about it all and I hope it has helped them to understand. But I know that they will be there for me whatever I choose. I think it was more of a shock to them as I hide a lot of my pain from them and I sugar coat my problems, so it probably seemed like a bad decision at first. It is nice that they know now, it's one less thing I have to stress about and it means that they can get to grips with it sooner, just as I have.
I just don't want to waste more of my life than I have to, I am 22 years old with a wife and two Daughters. My wife is pretty much my carer at the moment, she wants to study so that she can go to uni and be a psychologist and I don't want to hold her back. And my daughters...My eldest is 2 and a half, Nellie, and she is crazy, she has so much energy and she wants to run, skip and jump everywhere and she is so happy, but I can't run around with her or chase her or jump with her as it hurts too much. There was one time we were at the park and she was running around in the grass and I was sitting on a bench and Nellie came running over asking me to chase her and I had to say no as I was in too much pain, and at the time I was using crutches. I had to sit on that bench and watch my daughter sadly run off to play on her own. Needless to say that added to my depression, I felt awful and that was just the first time that happened, it has happened several times since. My youngest, Quinn, is only 4 months old so although playing isn't an issue there are other problems, mainly settling her to sleep. Quinn is a Daddy's girl, she won't settle with my wife, so it is my job (when I can) but this means pacing around the living room, sometimes for a couple of hours, and it is crippling.
So I can't tit about with operations that might work or might not work or operations to put off the inevitable, it just isn't worth my time. And I know that once I have the amputation there is no going back but honestly I kinda like that idea, not having to know that another op is on the horizon or that at any day I could be in so much pain that I have to sit down all day.
The other day I had to make a trip to the hospital, When I woke up my feet ached but it wasn't too bad. The bus stop is a 5 minute walk from my flat and when I got there I was in so much pain, my foot muscles ached, my Achilles tendon was sore, my ankles stung, ached and it felt like there was a lot of pressure on the joint, the instep of my foot, my toes, knuckles and heel ached and the outside of foot was stinging and aching. And this was after a five minute walk on a flat surface.
My wife and daughters are the ones getting me through all this. My wife is awesome I know that she will stick by me whatever I decide and she will help me through it in any way she can, I love her so much for helping with my problems so far and for staying with me through the rest. My daughters just make me so happy and they make me smile and laugh so much and it will be hard for all of us but I know that we can get through to the other side.
First off I have rearranged my Arthroscopy, this is so that when I go to see a surgeon about an amputation I am not in casts so that he can examine my feet properly otherwise I feel it will be a waste of time.
Secondly today I told my family about my choice of an amputation, or rather my wife dropped me in it (although this did make things easier) and in some ways it went better than I had expected but in other ways it went just as I thought it would.
We have had a very long talk about it all and I hope it has helped them to understand. But I know that they will be there for me whatever I choose. I think it was more of a shock to them as I hide a lot of my pain from them and I sugar coat my problems, so it probably seemed like a bad decision at first. It is nice that they know now, it's one less thing I have to stress about and it means that they can get to grips with it sooner, just as I have.
I just don't want to waste more of my life than I have to, I am 22 years old with a wife and two Daughters. My wife is pretty much my carer at the moment, she wants to study so that she can go to uni and be a psychologist and I don't want to hold her back. And my daughters...My eldest is 2 and a half, Nellie, and she is crazy, she has so much energy and she wants to run, skip and jump everywhere and she is so happy, but I can't run around with her or chase her or jump with her as it hurts too much. There was one time we were at the park and she was running around in the grass and I was sitting on a bench and Nellie came running over asking me to chase her and I had to say no as I was in too much pain, and at the time I was using crutches. I had to sit on that bench and watch my daughter sadly run off to play on her own. Needless to say that added to my depression, I felt awful and that was just the first time that happened, it has happened several times since. My youngest, Quinn, is only 4 months old so although playing isn't an issue there are other problems, mainly settling her to sleep. Quinn is a Daddy's girl, she won't settle with my wife, so it is my job (when I can) but this means pacing around the living room, sometimes for a couple of hours, and it is crippling.
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| My beautiful daughters Quinn and Nellie. |
The other day I had to make a trip to the hospital, When I woke up my feet ached but it wasn't too bad. The bus stop is a 5 minute walk from my flat and when I got there I was in so much pain, my foot muscles ached, my Achilles tendon was sore, my ankles stung, ached and it felt like there was a lot of pressure on the joint, the instep of my foot, my toes, knuckles and heel ached and the outside of foot was stinging and aching. And this was after a five minute walk on a flat surface.
I think I did about 40 minutes walking in total, in between sitting on buses and at the hospital, and when I got home
it felt like I had run a mile. My ankles were swollen and my feet ached and stung
all over, and the pain had gone up my shins and knees.
It is the sort of day that I have no doubt that I am making the right decision.My wife and daughters are the ones getting me through all this. My wife is awesome I know that she will stick by me whatever I decide and she will help me through it in any way she can, I love her so much for helping with my problems so far and for staying with me through the rest. My daughters just make me so happy and they make me smile and laugh so much and it will be hard for all of us but I know that we can get through to the other side.
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