It's a date! Sort of...

Since finding out I would be having the op I have sort of put it to the back of my mind as most of my worrying before was about the ifs-and-buts of Mr W. saying no again. So I haven't really had much to think about as I have just been waiting for the date of the pre-op so I could start planning.
After Mr. W said yes I went back to Roehampton to see the Physio team, and as I had anticipated, it was very helpful.
I learnt more about the exercises and the day to day activities. I was shown a couple of prosthetic legs and all the methods of attachments. I also saw the ward I would be staying on and met some of the nurses there (though they are re-decorating the ward and it will look different by the time I am there). So it was a good day.

After 3 anxious months of waiting for the letter with the date for my pre-op assessment to drop through the letter box, I got a bit fed up of waiting and decided to give Kingston hospital a call to find out what was happening. My hope was that I would call and they would say that they have sent the letter and I should have it soon. But instead it was confusion as to why I hadn't heard anything yet, so they looked into the situation for me. A week later the letter arrived finally! The pre-op is scheduled for the end of February so I was hoping the op would be around in March sometime (the beginning of March maybe?), but the next day I got a phone call from Kingston to tell me that I have a date for the op which is in May, although this is a provisional date as they can't book it more that 6 weeks in advance. At first I was a bit annoyed, (and without wanting to sound like a stroppy child) I just want my feet off now! I have been speaking to someone who had an amputation at the same hospital(and by the same surgeon), he had his pre-op and then had his operation about 5 days after. So I was kinda hoping that would happen to me too or at least if the operation was within the month. But after a few days of thinking, I feel alright with this date as it gives me more time to get everything together and do things I wanted to do. So for now, May it is. Also had a bit of depressing talk with Lauren about how we should, for example, go to the beach so I can feel sand on my feet and in-between my toes (even though I hate it) or go to the park so I can feel grass and mud under my feet as soon I will never be able to experience the feeling again. Also I was going to do a couple of life casts of my feet as a kind of strange memento, one being a candle holder as requested by my Mum. So the operation being in May gives me time to do things like that as I know I will regret it if I don't. 

Another good thing about the operation being in May it means that Lauren and I can attempt to explain to our eldest daughter (who is 4 years old) about everything that is going to happen. Mainly about the fact that I will be in hospital for about 3 months and when she comes to see me I will have the lower part of my legs missing. We are trying not to sugar coat things with her, but also trying not to be too graphic. We think she is going to get a bit freaked out but maybe, just maybe, if we can explain it well enough to her it might not be so bad and she will adjust quickly.
Like a lot of children her age, she has a really weird and wonderful way of thinking, so that makes things interesting. We tried saying that Daddy's feet aren't very well and they hurt a lot, so Daddy is seeing a special doctor and he is going to cut off Daddy's feet and the doctor will give him some new metal ones. We then had to explain why she wouldn't have her legs off if they hurt. The conversation after went like this:

Lauren: "Soon Daddy is going to go to a special doctor to have his legs cut off. Daddy's legs aren't very well, and they hurt him a lot don't they? He will be in hospital for a while but then he will come home with new feet."

Nellie: "After we walk my legs get sore, so then I will need new legs"

Me: "I know your feet hurt sometimes if you do lots of walking but that happens to Mummy too and it is normal, but Daddy's feet have been hurting for a very long time and they really aren't well."

Lauren: "Yeah you don't need new feet if they are sore from walking. If a car crashed into you, for example, then you might have to get new legs, or a new hand...or arm."
(We used a car crash as an example as Nellie says that you have to look out for cars because if they crash into you then you will break, so seemed like a good example to use)

Then there was a brief pause...

Nellie: "What about the clouds? What if they need new legs?"
Queue a discussion about how clouds don't have legs. As I said she is weird and wonderful. I am not sure if she fully understands what is going to happen. She sometimes talks about how she is going to help take care of me when I have my metal legs. Also that when my legs are better she is going to get a pet.

My whole family knows the news now and to be honest it went down a hell of a lot better than I expected. Everyone is being really supportive, which helps a lot! Not that I thought they wouldn't be, I just expected to have to explain more about why I have chosen this over other options. My Aunt has also decided to do fundraiser to help with costs after my op. So for example I need to get a wheelchair ramp as to get into my flat there are a few steps, these can cost around £200. Then there is the travel for Lauren as she will be travelling in and out of London (for those who have never travelled in London, it is very expensive!). So we are incredibly thankful that my Aunt is doing this for us as it is a massive help and a load off our mind.

Luckily I will be busy with birthdays and such until the pre-op so time should fly by. So I will be adding another update after that appointment :)